philadelphia phillies

BEN REVERE HIT A HOME RUN

BEN REVERE, OF THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES, HIT HIS FIRST CAREER HOME RUN ON WEDNESDAY. WITH 1,565 CAREER PLATE APPEARANCES, BEN REVERE ACTUALLY HIT THE BASEBALL OVER THE WALL FOR A HOME RUN. AS YOU CAN TELL, THIS CALLS FOR TYPING THIS WHOLE THING IN CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE BASEBALL IS JUST WEIRD LIKE THAT.

HERE ARE A LIST OF THINGS IN BASEBALL THAT HAPPENED BETWEEN BEN REVERE’S FIRST AT BAT AND HIM HITTING THE HOME RUN.

  • THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS WON THEIR FIRST TWO WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS SINCE MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO
  • THE FLORIDA MARLINS BECAME THE MIAMI MARLINS
  • THE TEXAS RANGERS LOST IN THE WORLD SERIES…IN CONSECUTIVE SEASONS
  • THE BALTIMORE ORIOLES, PITTSBURGH PIRATES, OAKLAND ATHLETICS, AND WASHINGTON NATIONALS ALL MADE IT TO THE POSTSEASON
  • 18 PLAYERS WERE SUSPENDED FOR PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS
  • ALEX RODRIGUEZ STRUCK OUT 24 TIMES IN THE POSTSEASON
  • ALEX RODRIGUEZ HAS BEEN PAID OVER $122,000,000
  • MARIANO RIVERA RETIRED
  • JACOBY ELLSBURY LEFT THE RED SOX FOR THE YANKEES
  • KEVIN YOUKILIS PLAYED FOR THE YANKEES
  • MIKE TROUT POSTED A 23.4 WAR
  • MIKE STANTON CHANGED HIS NAME TO GIANCARLO
  • FAUSTO CARMONA TURNED INTO ROBERTO HERNANDEZ
  • 15 NO HITTERS WERE PITCHED
  • HOMER BAILEY PITCHED TWO NO HITTERS
  • BUSTER POSEY CAUGHT TWO NO HITTERS (MATT CAIN & TIM LINCECUM)
  • THERE WERE SEVEN NO HITTERS IN 2012
  • THE SAN DIEFO PADRES HAVE STILL NOT THROWN A NO HITTER
  • AND FINALLY, JOSH LUEKE WAS STILL A RAPIST

CONGRATULATIONS TO BEN ON HIS FIRST CAREER HOME RUN. HE WILL TURN THE BATON OVER TO BROCK HOLT, WHO HAS GONE 211 PLATE APPEARANCES WITHOUT HIS FIRST CAREER HOME RUN.

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